We get it. You’re lonely. You’re ready to date again and you’re extremely excited about the prospect of potentially falling in love and being in a new solid relationship. Or, you’re just looking for a good time. Either way, if you have kids, there’s nothing more unethical than neglecting to tell a possible future boyfriend or girlfriend about them right off the bat.
Everyone knows that having kids can make dating a bit more challenging. Some folks are simply put off by the idea that they could become a stepmother or stepfather in the future. They would say that they didn’t sign up for it. That they don’t want to take on that burden. Well, guess what? Those people are automatically not right for you when it comes to dating. You have kids and you have to own that you have kids and put your flesh and blood above all else.
But, what if you don’t? What if you do lie? The consequences for all parties involved can be devastating.
For You
Maybe you do find the love of your life online, or while you’re out on the town. Say you don’t want to mention your kids to said person for fear of scaring them away. But, what if you gave them the benefit of the doubt and assume that they’re a decent human being to begin with? As we mentioned before, if this person doesn’t want to have anything to do with kids, they’re automatically disqualified as a potential lover. You can’t reverse becoming a parent – the kids are here to stay. However, if you do meet “the one” and you don’t tell them about your kids, and they find out later? That person is going to think that you’re a liar and ditch you on the spot. Then what? You’ve lost out on a lifetime of love and romance with the person who was meant for you. Don’t screw this up!
For Him/Her
This isn’t a game. People you date are just like you. Lonely. Hungry for love. They have hearts and toying with them is simply wrong. Letting someone fall head over heels in love with you and then breaking the news of your kids later on down the road can actually devastate this person. Not only that, but you’ll quickly get a reputation for being a lying jerk and with the prevalence of social media these days, word will get around quickly and you’ll never land a date again. Additionally, your kids might find out that you denied their very existence.
For Your Kids
Nothing could be worse for a vulnerable child than finding out that their parent is pretending that they were never born just to manipulate someone into loving them. Children of single parents are already someone fragile due to divorce or having a parent pass away, so you must consider their feelings and emotional state when bringing another person into the picture, especially if that person may eventually end up in a position of authority in the family as a stepparent.
For Your Friends and Family
Integrity’s the name of the game. Do you really want to attract the type of person who doesn’t like kids? A person who doesn’t like your kids? Someone who won’t be the best parent they could be to your children should you end up married one day? If you lie to get someone to date you, your friends and family will find out. Then what? Your reputation as a liar will be cemented among them. Of course our family and good friends are supposed to forgive our missteps, but that doesn’t mean they’ll forget. To top it off, these people probably (hopefully) love your children and would be horrified to find out that you pretended they never existed.
For Your Ex
Granted, you may not really care what your ex thinks about you, but you did create life with them. And that life, those children, is something you both love and cherish. It may be the single common bond you have left with your former spouse. If you lie about your kids’ existence to someone you date, and it gets back to your ex that you did so, you’re only giving them the satisfaction of knowing that they made the right decision in ending their relationship with you! But beside that, you’re causing even more pain in their life by denying the only thing you have left that you can both be proud of. Perhaps hurting your ex is your goal. In that case, spare all the other single people out there and live a life of solitude.
Obviously, there’s no good argument for lying about having kids when you’re trying to date – or lying for any other reason for that matter! You can’t build a solid relationship on lies, especially ones about something as important as having kids. Sooner or later, your new boo is going to find out that you’re a parent, and maybe if you get lucky, they won’t mind that just happened to forget to mention that you reproduced in the past. And aside from your latest lover discovering your dishonesty, your kids, friends, family, ex, etc. will all eventually know what a lying rascal you really are. Is it worth the risk? Could you ever forgive yourself for such a nefarious act as denying your own progenies?
Do the right thing and be forthright when you reenter the dating world. If you create a profile on an online dating site, mention your kids. When you first approach a potential new partner, mention your kids. When you meet up for a first date with said person, mention your kids. If things carry on beyond that, mention your kids often and maybe your new sweetheart will fall even deeper in love with you for being such a caring, invested father or mother. Remember the famous line about the tangled web? It’s completely in your control to keep things on the straight and narrow. Blood is thicker than water and your kids deserve to come first.